Incidental Tourists

Our plans for my week off shifted somewhat when Louise's friend called and said that Louise could not come visit because her sister was in the hospital. (She's okay now, "okay" being a relative term. She is twelve and is a brittle diabetic, but they got her through her crisis.)

But we did get off on Monday and headed North to Grass Valley, the city of my nativity. (We passed the hospital where I was born.) We toured the Empire Mine State Historic Park, then went down to Coloma to the site where the Gold Rush began. We spent considerable time in the museum and gift shop. It started sprinkling just as we approached (on foot) the spot on the American River where Marshall found a "half-pea size" piece of gold. By the time we reached the old Sutter's Mill site, it was seriously beginning to rain. I sent the kids toward the shelter of the bathrooms and ran back to get the car, as the deluge began. We decided not to set up camp, but rather to go in to Placerville for dinner.

At the Taco Bell in Placerville, I saw my current favorite silly sign. "Please make sure you are wearing a shirt and shoes before entering." I was relieved to note that I was, indeed, wearing both, but was grateful for the reminder to check before entering the establishment. (My all time favorite silly sign is a note on a plastic bag: "To avoid danger of suffocation keep away from babies and small children." I've been wary of babies and small children ever since. It had never occurred to me before, having children of my own who are NOT homicidal, that the threat of being suffocated was so high around them.)

We spent the night at a nice KOA, then picked Louise up and went down to the Jelly Belly factory the next morning. Carlson started throwing up on the way down, so he and I stayed in the car. (I did learn, about twenty years ago, to always keep a "barf bucket" handy in the car. I've rarely had it used, but have always been glad it was on hand when the occasion for use has arisen!!)The other children had a great time. Carlson was SO sweet and understanding about not being able to go in; he didn't even cry. Then we went down to the Bay Area, to a Lego store. (Dallas REALLY wanted to go to Portland,OR for the Lego Brickfest, but it starts today and I start class in the morning near Yosemite.) The Lego store was a poor consolation to begin with, but an even bigger disappointment because the Pick-a-Brick was scantily populated. We drove through San Francisco (the kids had NO desire to spend any time there. What is THAT about? I love the place) and crossed the Golden Gate Bridge, passed San Quentin (where I spent part of my childhood; see poem this blogsite) and went on back up to Sacramento. We are semi-quarantined because of Carlson's illness. Don't want to get cousin Louise sick, susceptible as she is. (Yes my dau and my sis's dau have the same name!)

I leave this evening and start school tomorrow morning. I'm very much looking forward to it. This is the 300 hours in 22.5 days. It will be very intense, I'm sure, but it sounds like the courses are well-presented for easy absorption. At any rate, the real training comes through practice, practice, practice.


Love to all!

2nd Week of Shiatsu

Went wonderfully. The class was half the size of Shiatsu One--ten students, nine of whom I knew already.

I got sick on Tuesday--cold or allergies. Wednesday one of the practioners gave me a Moxa treatment (incense-ish sorta thing treating the points.) She treated me just as class was starting and told me, "This will probably knock you out for two or three hours. Just let that happen.) I dozed off just after she finished the treatment, and was TOTALLY OUT for the whole day. I woke a few times and thought, "Oh, wow, that was a really restful...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..." Then I'd wake a few hours later. I was IN the classroom, with class going on as usual (lots of laughing and moving around) and could not rouse myself. I managed to stay awake for enough of lunch to eat a few bites, but I have no idea what I ate. I slept all night and woke feeling INCREDIBLY refreshed.

Shinzo told me to do it again the next day, but I did not want to miss another day of class. He said my kidney meridian is very "Yin" and I need to Moxa myself every day to bring it into balance. He says I will not sleep as much after subsequent treatments. He says my energy level will be much improved when I've brought the meridian into balance--and it will likely relieve some of my depression and anxiety. The kidney meridian governs fear, and waking early in the morning with a feeling of dread is a symptom of imbalance. (I'm in good shape on meds, but that was my most troubling symptom.) This is my first effort at understanding Chinese medicine, and it is amazing to me how much of it makes sense, or proves iteslf in my life empirically.

Friday morning we did a full massage from memory--no coaching from Shinzo--for our final. I remembered a lot more than I thought I would (especially missing the whole day of class. (I did have to ask for help on the body area I missed)) My "client" said I did a great job, so that's affirming. Shinzo gave me lots of compliments, too.

I have this week off. I report to Ahern's for 300 hours in 22.5 days on Saturday morning. I leave there on a Sunday at noon (three weeks later) and report back to the School of S & M that same evening. So, unless my sister brings the kids down to see me, I won't see them for a month! (whine)

I also may not get a chance to blog during that time.... And I have misplaced the disposable camera with my pics on it. I'll try to post them this week.

The kids and I are going camping in Gold Country the next few days. Their cousin does not get to come with us because her grandparents are visiting from Tennessee--so that's a disappointment. We may also go tour the Jelly Belly factory. My brother in law says its a really fun tour, and its FREE!!

Thanks for keeping up with me. The site tells me how many times my profile has been viewed, and its nice to know so may people are checking in on me!

I carry your love and good wishes for me in my heart!

Driving My Life Away

So we made it to CA!

(Helpful hint: Best rest areas between TN and CA: Amarillo-ish, TX and Sky City-ish, NM)

We left Monday morning around seven. I know, I KNOW!! I said we were leaving Friday. But then I decided to let Louise go to the Recon, so we couldn't leave until Saturday night, and then I decided that that was just plain crazy and we might as well go to church on Sunday and leave that afternoon. BUT I just couldn't get myself in gear. So we left Monday morning. And drove and drove and drove. Even though I do this trip roughly every two or three years, I forget how FAR it is. My goal was to make it to Albuquerque, but I only got as far as Santa Rosa (is that right? Santa Rosa? anyway some big town before Alb.) before I had to crash.

Reminder Note to Self: I AM ALLERGIC TO NEW MEXICO. I woke about two hours after settling down to sleep, with a frightful sneezing attack. (Dallas said I sounded like a typhoon, and Louise described it as a "sonic boom") I was absolutely miserable all day. We spent the next night in Holbrook, AZ, and I was much improved. Fine now that we are in CA.

We spent most of the day Tuesday just kinda hanging out, since I had rendezvous(es) with friends in the evening. We went up to Santa Fe, and I gave the kids a brief tour of Trauma Camp. (Louise and Dallas were so interested in where their mother had spent a month in "rehab" that they stayed in the car.) I only saw one staff member I knew, and she didn't remember me. All the good ones are gone. Ha.

I did get to visit with my therapist from Trauma Camp (who is in private practice now in Santa Fe.) It was great to catch up with her. She is way cool. Even Louise thought so (she deigned to go in to meet her, even though she had asked if she could just stay in the car). Then we went back down in to Alb. to see my bestest friend from treatment. We had dinner together and they were mopping the restaurant before we noticed it was time to go. LOL. Her husband kept the kids entertained with stories of his world travels, and with thoughtful questions about themselves, and with games of 20 Questions.... They all loved him. And the food was great. (Helpful Hint: Best New Mexican style mexican food: Padilla's. It's just off hiway 40, and worth the stop. Dallas asked if we could eat there on our way home!)

The rest of the trip is pretty much a blur of driving and driving and driving. Punctuated by Louise getting her first traffic violation citation. (84 in a 75, but he just gave her a warning). I had JUST told her to slow down as she was going NINETY. See, the thing is that we had to get new tires on the big van, and now it doesn't sound like it's about to fall apart when you hit seventy. It just keeps gliding along, faster and faster....

We got in at about ten last night, and the kids had to watch American Idol with their cousin Leah (Tivo) and we had to put everyone's height on the chart. It is official: Dallas is now taller than Leah. (She is still, and I believe ALWAYS will be, two weeks older.)

I start class on Sunday at the freaky new age school. Can't WAIT. There will be a "new moon celebration in the lower pool" while I am there. I'm eager to check out what that's about. (There will be a full moon celeb when I am there in late April, so that's way cool, too.) I'm sooo excited about exploring a totally foreign culture while I'm there. It's like I'm going to Japan or something!

Thanks again to all who helped me get here. I'll do my best to keep you blogged!

The Dating Game

So...

I brought home this...uh...fish, about a month ago. Carlson was with me getting crickets for the Gecko at Petco, and he really, REALLY needed a fish. (And I love my aquarium but have not set it up in this house because I'm only here "temporarily" for the past three years, but that's another blog.) So I bought this pretty male Betta and little Betta tank & rocks and the whole nine yards for, well, believe it or not, $9. And Carlson named him "Carlson" (four is the age of narcissism....come to think of it, male is the age of narcissism, but that's another blog)

So last week, while at Petco getting crickets for the Gecko, I noticed they have female Bettas. Now you can NOT put two males together or they will fight to the death, but a female...well...

So I pick out a female of the same pretty blue, grab a "care sheet" and head home with my new pet and fodder for the old "pet" (and I use the term loosely regarding the Gecko, but that's another...). I get home, and read the "care sheet" and it says. DO NOT PUT A FEMALE BETTA IN WITH A MALE. But it doesn't say why. So okay.....

And we cant find the little divider thing that came with the Betta tank. So I devise this REALLY cool way to have them together, but separated. I put her in a half-gallon canning jar, INSIDE a clear glass cookie jar sort of thing (prolly 1 1/2 gal), with him in it. So he can swim all the way around her, but not get to her. I thought (still think) it looked really cool.

So what does he do? He starts courting her. Which is really amazing. He got VERY colorful. And spread out his fins elegantly and did a little dance over and over. So I get online and look up "breeding Bettas." And....she is responding to his advances. Turned a kinda gold color and swimming with her head down.

The site also says that there will be anywhere from 200 to 500 spawn and after a couple of weeks you have to separate them--each one in its own jar. And we are leaving in a couple of weeks. >sigh< So, not knowing what to do, I do nothing for a couple of days. Then I decide I better let nature take its course. What would happen to all her eggs (she's big with eggs but wont let them go until they do their thing)...no one is saying. Meanwhile he is steadily building a bubble nest, and dancing for our lady.

So last night I dumped her in with him and he chased her around, but didn't beat her up (as the site said he would...tear her fins & stuff).

But this morning, she is dead. >sigh< She looks fine--no torn fins. But dead as a doornail. So did *I* kill her by not letting her in with him soon enough? Or what.....

Moral: Read the Care Sheet BEFORE bringing home your new pet. Or...playing matchmaker is a dangerous game.

Poetry

Self Portrait Sonnet: San Quentin

In California, in 1961/
I was born, the fourth of what would be seven/
kids—six girls, one boy. I went to Sunday School/
and Bluebirds. Just the word “Berkeley” (at age six)/
frightened me. It was Hell, I thought, or pretty close./
I was nine, I think, when Angela Davis/
and the San Quentin five, down at the courthouse,/
taped Judge Haley’s head to a sawed-off shotgun/
timed with a cell block raid that beat The System/
senseless. We took the bus to Marin for school/
and afterward played up on The Hill—where sticks/
marked convicts unclaimed bodies all in rows—/
or talked with Dennis, the Trustee inmate. It/
scared me more than Berkeley when they let him out./

Ellen Rae
c 14 April 1989

My Life in a Nutshell

So....

I'm STILL waiting to get divorced. I signed a settlement agreement back in early November, and fully expected him to sign it. He did not...had six or seven changes to make to it, most of which were fine, but one of which I wanted to stay as-is (He had already agreed verbally to everything, and it was basically what his attorney had written in the first place.) He sent less $$ for December than he had been ordered to send and when I asked him for it, he flipped out (and I flipped right after him and we did the big blaming, shaming addict/co-addict dance) and now he says we will just go to court. (Okee-fine. Whatever.)

Also he is fighting my changing my name to Hafen. WHY!? You ask. (I know you asked because EVERYONE asks.) Because he can. Because Oklahoma law provides for me to change my name to a "previously used legal name," and I have never used Hafen legally. He could just sign the papers and the judge would OK it, but, because he CAN jerk me around about it, he is. So I'll have to do it here in TN once the divorce is final...or maybe before. I'll have to find out about that.

I HOPE to be heading out to CA in March (if the divorce is final and I have the $$) to a couple of massage schools. I can get in two months the 500 hours TN requires for licensing. I plan to practice as a massage therapist while going to college.

OK...now the eight kids: (the names have been changed to protect the innocent)

Evelyn is living in Memphis, going to college full time and working part time. She is majoring in Spanish and minoring in Photography. She works for an attorney doing title research. She is dating Jerry semi-seriously.

Oscar is living in Provo, Utah with his wife Tena. He works night-weekends at a residential treatment center for adolescents. He makes sure everyone is alive and behaving (read: sleeping) three times an hour. the rest of the time he spends playing computer games against his boss, or watching movies. Tena is in school to become a paramedic.

Kevin is also in Provo. He is working as a server in a Mexican restaurant, and has applied for the same shift at the same place Oscar is working. He plans to use his down time at work (if he's hired) studying to become an independent film maker.

Louise will be 18 this summer. She graduates highschool in the spring or summer (depending on how quickly she finishes her home school courses). She plans to attend a local community college in the fall. She is learning to play to piano, and doing very well. She is also developing her beautiful singing voice (piano teacher is helping there, too.) She recently bought a car, but does not yet have her license.

Dallas (12) is still a Lego maniac. He builds the most interesting and creative things. he will buy a whole set just to get a particular piece or two that he needs for a creation he is concocting in his head. he is studying harder in math since having confirmed that Lego only hires engineers as designers, and that engineers need to be fluent in math.

Ruby (9) is a budding artist. She loves to draw, paint and sculpt. She and her twin Wilbur (see below) enjoy soccer and play on the same team. She is very sweet-natured and quiet, but has a great sense of humor.

Wilbur (9) reads voraciously, excels in school (home school) and asks incredibly intelligent questions about all kinds of things--usually when we are in the car. His hair is almost as long as Ruby's. He started out three years ago growing it out to donate to Locks of Love (Louise and Ruby have both done that). But now that it is long enough, he doesn't know what he will look like with short hair, and doesn't want to cut it.

Carlson (4) is an absolute joy and a sore trial! He is very strong-willed and opinionated and I have spoiled him somewhat (ok, shamelessly). But he has a very sweet nature and a vivid imagination. He has vivid nightmares and recalls them totally on waking. (One recurring theme is his having to go to jail....) I received a dreamcatcher keychain in the mail several months ago (after sending $10 to the Lakota Sioux Children's fund)and it has just hung on the key hook in my kitchen. About a week ago he asked me what it was, and has been sleeping with it ever since.

The cat is black, male, still un neutered (shame on me) and makes a mad dash for the door every time it opens now that the weather has gotten colder(unless I notice him and say in a low, severe voice...."Ca-at! Don't you dare!" Then he just lays down and acts like he wasn't planning to go anywhere, let alone in the house. (Rental agreement says 'one outside cat' but we let him in last winter cuz he was a tiny baby and it was SOOO cold.)

So that's me.

The School of S&M

That's SHIATSU and MASSAGE. hehehe

I just finished my first week of class and it was OUTSTANDING. I learned a LOT. And I realized that I am going to need a LOT of practice before I feel comfortable putting myself out there as a professional. I am eager to try out my new skills (over and over) on family and friends when I return to Tennessee in May.

The children were well cared-for by my sister, and by Louise when my sister was gone (which was a lot). The younger kids did not call my cell phone at all, which is incredible. (At home there is a curve about 10 minutes from my house, and I can count on my phone ringing right about that time EVERY time I leave the house. No matter where I am going or how long I will be gone.) So I just decided not to call them and remind them that I was gone. I'll be gone for seven of eight weeks and there will be plenty of time for them to miss me. (In April I won't have a break at all, so I won't see them for a month unless they come down to see me.)

The School of Shiatsu and Massage is on the grounds of Harbin Springs, on the side of the mountain above California Wine Country. I took pix of the view coming down the mountain this afternoon, and hope to get them posted this weekend. Harbin Springs is a retreat facility, and community. It is owned by NACOB (New Age Church of Being) and is inhabited by aging hippies (drug free, however). Very relaxed atmosphere. The pools are hot and/or cold spring fed. There is a hot pool at 112 degrees, a cold pool at 60 degrees, and a warm pool at 97 degrees. I spent every evening dipping in and out of the hot & cold, and then soaking in the warm pool under the stars. It was magnificent. Four of my seven weeks of training will be at the School of S & M, and I am so looking forward to being there again. (The food was also wonderful. I had signed up to be just vegetarian while I was there, but the carnivore food was just too good to pass up!!)

My training was VERY intensive, but also a lot of fun. I got overwhelmed toward the end of EVERY day I was there, but I am amazed at how much I have retained. And I am not exhausted, surprisingly. I think the time to rejuvenate in the pools, along with the relaxed atmosphere, helped balance the deluge of information pouring into my brain (and body). We massaged and were massaged at least twice each day, and we spent the first three days doing it on the floor. My instructor is named Shinzo, and he is from Japan. He uses the floor for most of his work, and involves his entire body in the massage. It is amazing. I learned a lot from him.

The class group was great. We had a wonderful rapport together--eighteen students. There were EXCELLENT boundaries all around. Everyone was very supportive of EVERYONE. Not a bit of nit-picking, and NO schmoozing. It was an excellent group of people to work with. Many will be returning next week, and at least one will also be there with me for Watsu 1 & 2 in April.

Sleeping in the van was very comfortable. I left my van with my sister to haul all of my and her kids around in, and she sent her smaller van with me. It has a bed-convertible back seat, and screened side windows. She tossed in a very nice therapeutic foam mattress topper and I was VERY comfortably set up. Evidently, sleeping in the classroom was not a very sonorific experience, according to my classmates who opted for that. Lots of coming and going, I guess, and an outdoor motion-sensing light that shined in through the glass doors. Several who started out sleeping in the classroom ended up sleeping in their cars as best they could. (Others tent camped.)

Thanks again to all of you who have helped me to make this happen! I appreciate your financial support, prayers and good thoughts!

"He" only sent half of the monthly maintenance for March, but I came anyway. I couldn't let all the help from you all, and my personal efforts be thwarted by him again. I'm mostly able to stay in a place of abundance and joy about where I am, rather than restriction and fear about where I might end up! I know good things are in store for me, and I'm "hopefully curious" about the future!! Can't wait to share what I'm learning with you all!!