River Walk

One of the blessings of living in California is the natural setting. The weather was lovely today, so we took a walk near the river. We dropped by to pick up cousin Leah and meandered all over the river parkway (which backs up to Leah's house).

The grass is very green, after being scorched brown all summer, and many of the trees stay green, too. A few, like a big poplar along the bike trail, turn yellow and drop most of their leaves. This big poplar had a few dozen leaves still clinging to its branches, and the wind was blowing so that they swayed like multiple pendulums on some artsy representation of a grandfather clock.

First stop was to check out "the hobo's place" to make sure it was still uninhabited. This summer there was quite a nice little refuge set up in the shelter of a huge oak whose branches touch the ground. We never saw anyone there, but it was obviously currently in use. One day there was a 'Notice to Vacate" tacked up, and the next time we checked it out it had been obeyed. We wandered through "the forbidden forest" (forbidden because they kids are not allowed to go there without an adult), and the children decided that we must picnic there on Thanksgiving Day. It really was a beautiful setting, with large carpets of green grass under a canopy of big twisted oakish trees (but with green leaves...). Leah changed the name from "the forbidden forest" to "fablehaven."

We also visited a big rock pit. Its probably about the size of the lot my mother's house sits on. The sides are steeply sloped banks of rounded river rocks. They all clambored around on it while I watched from under a tree.

Back out on the path Carlson asked if I would carry him. I told him no because I was probably going to have to carry him all the way back. Unless he wanted to turn back now, he'd have to walk. He said that, no, he did not want to turn back, but one of his feet was getting tired. I asked, "One of your feet?" and he extended his right leg and pointed down at his foot saying, "Yep. This one," then ran to catch up with his siblings and cousin.

The kids found another bunch of old bones, this time obviously a deer. (Still haven't found anyone to identify the human-looking-enough-to-raise-eyebrows vertebra and humerus & ulna they found during the summer. Leah's mother is going to take them to an anatomy professor at the college she attends (he said he could tell her if they were human, but not identify them if they were not), but we keep forgetting to leave them with her.) And we saw a flock of turkeys with a PEACOCK tagging along. I tried to get pictures but only had my phone camera, and couldn't get close enough. Leah says there is a hen peacock as well, but I could not discern one. Amusing sight...this big tom turkey strutting along with a bunch of hens following behind, and a green male peacock craning his neck and struggling to keep up. Funny, as I am typing this I am getting of flashes of Leah leading the big kids around on our walk, and Carlson following after as best he could.

There were a couple of pair of deer meandering casually around in one meadow. They did not seem very concerned about us, but we kept a respectable distance.

When we finally made it to the river there was a white bird--maybe an egret, but kinda smallish--skimming along the river just six inches or so from the water. Beautiful. The kids threw rocks in the river, and I picked up a big partial-dome chunk of white quartz. (I just finished reading "The Day Kennedy was Shot" and could not help thinking,"This is about the size and shape of the piece of his head that was shot off." Sorry. Maybe that's TMI, but its my blog.)

The moon had risen early, and the sun was just dipping behind the trees along the river when we set out for home. Carlson said, "Look! There's half the moon and (turning around) there is half the sun!" I carried him on my shoulders part of the way...the stones he'd put in his jacket pockets making an odd sound as they rubbed together so close to my ears. The big cousins stayed just far enough ahead of us that I could see them most of the time. I grieved--am still grieving a little--that our world is too dangerous a place for them to be free to run around this kids' paradise unattended. What a great childhood memory it would have been for them to spend this time (and many, many times like it) with their cousin, making up games and planning where to build their "houses" without mom/aunt tagging along at a safe distance.

more of the same

so....

Things are about the same...

I have an MRI scheduled for tomorrow to have my arm checked out and find out why it isn't healing. The tendonitis is much better--not totally okay, but much better. The upper-arm stuff is just not getting better, so they are going to see if they can figure out what it is and what to do about it.

I drove to TN again--fourth time in eight months; this time in a Toyota Corolla with the four younger kids. Wow. Not something I hope to do again any time soon. The kids were really good, considering. (Helpful hint: In the ABC Game, you can find all the letters through "O" on just two signs. "A" through "I" can be found on "WATCH FOR ICE ON BRIDGE" and "J" through "O" can be found on "Kingdom Hall of the Jehovah's Witnesses." Also, the easiest state for the ABC Game is Arizona, eastbound. Lots of navajos and signs for Albuquerque, plus a "Z" on every highway sign.)

I took the kids back to visit their Dad, at his request according to the court's order (by which we seem to be abiding for reduced maintenance and visitation, but not for division of property payment--go figure). We have to make the trip halfway every other month. Kinda crazy. I chose to take them all the way this time, instead of back and forth halfway twice (to drop them off and pick them up. Halfway is the Petrified Forest in Arizona, almost to NM.

"He" brought the kids to TN after their week together, and we visited with some of the friends they had not been able to say goodbye to when we left in March (because we did not know we would have to move when we left). We also drove past the house we left. Carlson is still angry and grieving. He says I lied to him. "You said we were just going to spend a lot of nights in CA and now we live there." It makes me sad. And, truthfully, its hard for me to not want to turn his anger where it belongs--to his Dad who left us no choice but to move--but I just affirm his feelings and try to explain that I thought it was true when I said it, so it wasn't a lie.... Wilbur is also having a hard time with the move. When I woke him in the morning on Thursday, so he could get ready to leave, he started crying and shook his head "no" vigorously. he said, "I don't want to leave here again. I wish we could just stay."(Dallas, on the other hand, never intends to leave CA, and would actually rather live in OK than TN....isn't that wierd? Ruby doesn't say much about it, but she seems content to be in CA.)

I, it seems, moved to CA without my inner child. (As illustrated in a sculpt at the therapy weekend by my therapist: Kent the Wondershrink.) My challenge is to bring my whole Self to CA for the experience God has for me here. It is amazing how different I feel already. This experiential therapy stuff is wierd...but it works for me. I chose to drive the whole way this trip so I could attend the Reconstruction of my "Father of Choice." I'm so glad I did. I got a LOT out of the weekend, and the kids got some closure around the move.

I am not sure YET if I am divorced. I expected a decree in the mail when I returned home, but there was nothing here. And my attorney is on vacation until next Monday. Still no date for the Reconsideration hearing, as far as I know...

I'm looking into night jobs, so the kids can have an adult around but my mother does not have to actually do anything with them. I'm also looking at grants, loans and scholarships to see if I can make it just going to school.... And STILL hoping that my arm will heal so I can do massage. Watching for which doors open and which close, and (mostly) staying trusting that good things are in store for me!

Two Funnies

I love little kids and the way they think, interpreting things through what they know.
Funny #1

I am teaching poetry to the 2nd-5th graders in our homeschool co op. (2nd gragers rebelled against being in with K and 1st, so came to my class.) The youngest in the class, Leif, is just seven. I taught them about meter, stressed and unstressed syllables, using their names, and their bodies. "An easy wasy to remember it is if you're stressed, you're kinda on your toes, and when you're unstressed, you're pretty relaxed." So we went around the room and said everyone's full name, rising up on our toes when the syllable was stressed, and flopping rag doll-ish when the syllable was unstressed. A couple of weeks later we did the same thing with lines of poetry.

Leif, my little seven year old, really got it. He would raise his hand every time we read a poem and would say, "It went, DAH duh, DAh duh, DAH duh...." or whatever. A couple of weeks ago he raised his hand and said, "It went UPSET, not upset, not upset, UPSET, not upset, not upset....."

Funny #2

The twins are learning keyboard from video at home this semester. A few days ago, Ruby was practicing a new song. It was in a minor key, with lots of diminished chords--kinda saddish. Carlson came up to me and said, "Mom, this song is hurting my feelings."

The Fat Lady Ain't Singin'

So the divorce is not over YET. My attorney filed a Motion for Reconsideration, because there were several of the judge's findings in the summary that were inaccurate, and the ordered support payment was therefore way under poverty level. I think the judge was trying to be fair, but did not have all the convoluted information straight. N E way...

What next?

Because I was driving and driving and driving on my birthday, and because we want to start getting together as a family every other Sunday...we celebrated my birthday at my sis's house yesterday. We were not there 10 minutes when Carlson needed something out of the car (My mother's car, actually, because my new car (Evelyn's old car) would not start Saturday morning, deadernadoornail...but that's another blog)

ANYway...Carlson needed something out of the car, so I headed out there to help him get it, stepped off my sister's porch and turned my right ankle HARD on the uneven concrete, caught myself with my left foot and turned it, too, then hit my knees and sprawled out on her driveway amid gasps and hisses from the entourage of kids who had followed me out to the car. Leah (my neice) went to get her mom as I lay there saying, "I don't know!!" to the rapidly repeated question, "Are you OK, Mom?"

I hurt like hell. Both ankles were screaming and I was trying really hard not to. Sis came out and said, "Oh my Gosh! Do you want me to help you up? (I shook my head no.) No. You just want to stay there a minute and recover." She started to retreat, then turned back and said, "Shall I just kick you while you're down?"

Hehehe.

We went on to have a nice time together, with two of my sisters and the one remaining brother-in-law and some of their kids, and a nephew from another sis who came up from college. And, of course, Savage the Wonderdog, my nephew's part Catahula, part unknown origin, amazing puppy.

I spent the afternoon and evening with ice on my right ankle, and when I woke this morning I could not put weight on it. It is not swollen or bruised, though. I just lazed around today alternating ice and heat, and staying off of it as much as possible. (Crawling was not very effective cuz my knees are sore from the fall.) It is a little better this evening, but I'll have to baby it for awhile. (The left ankle is sore, but functional.)

I have a physical therapy appt tomorrow for my right elbow/arm...that I injured in JUNE.

>sigh<

totalled

That is pretty much giving away the punch line, but....

On Labor Day the kids and I spent the morning with my sister and her girls at the river. We left around noon, about the time everyone else started turning up.

We were sitting at my sister's house, visiting, and I heard a noise that sounded like a baseball hitting the side of the house. Just a big "whump." I asked her if she had heard it and she said it might have been her air conditioner coming on, cuz its really loud. (Her house is situated so all the bedrooms and bathrooms are between the living areas and the street.) A few minutes later, a neighbor knocks on the door. I was already up, headed down the hall, so I answered it. He says, "Both your cars are toast." I said, "Pardon me?" He: I guess both those cars out on the road are yours. They're toast." Me: I only have one car out there, but what are you talking about?" He: Your car has been in a wreck." Me: HOW? He: Big truck.

He gestures for me to follow him, which I do.

And there, at the end of the driveway, is my minivan serving as one piece of "toast" for a Ford Explorer sandwich. The other piece of "toast" was a BIG, OLD (80's), chevy silverado pick up. A young man, with his girlfriend as a passenger, was driving the pick up. He was not paying attention to the fact that the road has a curve in it. He never applied the brakes, never knew til it happened that he was heading for a car accident. the police officer asked what he was doing and he mumbled it to her. she raised her eyebrows and said, "You're kidding, right? I hope you learned your lesson."

He plowed into the Explorer almost head-on and pushed it around, so he was crunched into the drivers side, and the passengers side was pushed sideways into my car. The owners of the Explorer (next door neighbors) were gone and couldn't be reached on their cell phones. They came home after the big truck had been towed away, to find their car turned 180 degrees from where they parked it(neighbors pushed it to get the back end out from where it was blocking the street), and crunched on three sides in the front. All she could do was stare and say, "What...? What...? What...?"

My sis lives right on the river parkway, and the fluids from all three cars were running down the street drain that has a tile sign imbedded in the cement saying, "Goes to river; Do not dump." Crazy stuff. My minivan is totalled, with a new engine that has less than 3000 miles on it. So I bought Evelyn's car from her while I was out in Memphis, and she bought Louise's car that has been sitting out at some good friends' place trying to be sold.

Quite the ride, this life. We feel fortunate that it happened while we were safely inside. i had said just a few minutes before, "get your stuff together so we can go home" and sis had said. "Aw you don't have to leave just yet..." Dodged a bullet, I guess.

Buddanyway I did another bat-out-of-hell drive from Oklahoma to mom's house. About 1800 miles in 36 hours. And it was okay! Lots more tollerable in a little compact than in a Penske truck!!

D.I.V.O.R.C.E

So...

I decided not to blog too much about this, as it's a public blog and there actually ARE some innocents to protect.

But we had the hearing, on FRIDAY, not Wednesday as was planned. I almost had a melt-down when my attorney called and said, "I hope you haven't left yet." When I told him I was sitting on a friend's couch in Memphis and it was absolutely not an option to postpone it again, he said the judge was NOT willing to do it on Wednesday but would "move it to Friday, if you want, or to another day altogether. So the question is: Do you want to do it Friday, or come back again?"

So my whole self-care schedule--with bookend therapy sessions, a friend to accompany me to the hearing, decompressing back in Memphis for a day before returning home--all went out the window. But it was OK, cuz I found in the end that I am a big-enough girl now to do it myself. (And staying with my friends in Wilburton was wonderful. They are a kind, loving couple who know pretty much the whole story of my marriage and separation.)

The hearing went...fine. It was miserable as "his" attorney is a dragon lady. (For those of you who know her, picture Michelle Rappaport in all-out bull-dog mode and replace all her love and concern with pure animosity, and you've got his attorney.) But I was able to say what I needed to say, and I feel the judge will be as fair as Oklahoma law will allow him to be. He felt it was too complicated to rule from the bench (which I anticipated), so will "summarize the court's findings" and ask one of the attorneys to write the decree.

So its all done but the fat lady singing. Not sure what all the jots and tittles are, but it's basically over. If you want details, call me, or email me. As I've said to some of you, I feel like a snake who has shed its skin.